~my Story~

im celebrating my birthday month (May) with a solo trip to Thailand for 9 days... despite im not really alone due to the fact that i have friends here (locally) and from KL were here attend to me whenever a friend whom accompany me from KL via Whatsapp till today i truly am appreciative to what God have placed for me along this trip knowing and believing that everything happens for a reason... so far everything does fall into places for me... maybe not to what i had imagine but definitely close enough to play the best part of my 2019 i've checked in and checked out Salil Hotel and sitting here at the mezzanine floor of this hundred over year old Hua Lamphong train station, overseeing the crowd downstairs from different country and region of Thailand... this 100 years old train station still bumping like a just born baby being the biggest transition point for the country it carries so many people with different story and background to the same point... so they can disembar...

this heart was kidnapped by someone for a really long time despite the core is here but what within was stolen perhaps not stolen it was given up willingly by myself after 5 years with SW1 Solutions, i finally bid my goodbye with them and move on to another chapter despite its hard letting it go...i have to move on, regardless cause things need to change and shall not remain at the same spot for long... with his attendance, it sets a perfect timing for me to go as well... its like everything that happens are the best and no doubt it is... disregard the arrangement was bad or good... because how do you define whats good and bad if you have neither of them... did you lost all from the bad arrangement or actually you did gain something even by the least i believe you should have gain something somewhere, depending how ignorant you are... i think there are still something in his mind that disturb him and non the less knowing him as a Capricorn, he is utterly stubborn and i fel...

if you ever ask me if i have anything that i can celebrate , actually there are tons of reason for me to be happy and content with... if you ever ask me if i am happy, i can tell you that somehow sadness covered most of my happiness many people started their life with a very "normal" format ; where there's boys and girls ; circle of life blah blah blah... instead of that format ; God decided to made a joke for me... if  God never made mistakes... i wonder what am i? a girl that traps in a male figure... fell in love with the guy that always live a normal life... I wanted the same as well, but instead im never here nor there...  i miss that crazy night we had, dancing and hugging each other, i kissed his cheek, and of course nothing happen... i guess nothing ever will... that steamboat night that only 4 of us... my parents, him and myself... i truly appreciate that short but yet filled with warmth and basically gave me a bit of what ive been yearning for... ...

at the age of 31 i've decided to part ways with my favorite company mainly is because i've lost myself along the way within this 5 years... constantly doing things that is beyond my comprehension... instead of something that i love... living up to other's people expectation and slowly i forgotten what i love to do the most... being too confident, thought of living single and proud will be something that i can live with forever... but im afraid of being alone...but what can i do? should i live with some "temporary" companionship? that doesn't make sense at all and what happen was that i dont care because so long i enjoyed... anyhow 2019 thing has change and thing will never be the same... what presents soon become past... once loved will soon be forgotten...

 Please remember me What is more important than yourself especially when you are basically a single entity walking on this surface But one day you will eventually find someone worth losing part of yourself in order to be a whole again with another part of him or her Since you ar me not the one, why linger at the same place pastering on the sadness of NOTHING I really like you, I really do in fact I wish I can love you instead 😂 Shower you with my love and tender caring, cater you all of me just to put that smile on you, listening to every words of yours, regardless it’s silly or make senses ; happy or sad ; chase away those tiredness and restore you with so much power by myself However our story is written differently , we will eventually become passerby and I care too much to make everyone happy but myself... however it’s time to put those silly idea away... I’m faded because of many things but I know mainly because of you. As I’m trying to fit myself into your eyes by b...

day after day word after word i felt like the world is like a running stream resemble as our world and time and rains dropping on the surface that resemble us and moments.. Running Stream as the World ; Raindrops as the Human The world and time existed quietly way before human were born... it was so quiet that the universe is barely 'living' ... hence i think it was so lonely, human was created to adorn this world... creating hope and despair ... happy and sadness ... light and dark ... to allow us to see things in so many ways that we can never imagine... hence the endless world are now filled with some story to talk about... so mysteriously things work... Day was crowded with many people and activity ; Night is so quiet when everyone hides away Without human(rains) in the event, day or night(running stream) is quiet and flat... Running Stream as us (human life) ; Raindrops as the moment Following the footsteps of our running time, we wake up everyday go to work...

我知道你爱他，可是你要走出来了 你的任务是什么？你的责任又是什么？ 我知道我的任性伤害了我 因为我就是蠢的可以 以为不说话 就可以不伤害你 反而是更变本加厉的伤害了你 对吧？ 你是好人，也是坏人 我是什么人？ 我只是个无论什么时候都想爱着身边每一个人 那些爱我的人 其实都在 所以为了我 你们都费心了 十姐 那把我看得彻底的人 你说我很懂事 宁愿伤害自己 也不愿伤害别人 可惜却不知道间接的 我也伤害了大家 我听到你说 你帮我拿我弄热的午餐时 我的眼泪是多么 不听话 差点 崩堤 你坐着那如此闷热的车 要去开会 若不是我的任性~你一定不需要 如此可怜 不得不承认， 我是以女王的姿态存在 在哪里都好 我都是哪耀眼的那个 也因为你的出现 让我忘了自己 考验我的能力 耐力 这次 也因为你 我挫败了 也因为这样 我不甘心为何会输在你的手里 不说输赢 好了 我爱你 我也知道 不一定要拥有你 只要你快乐 也是爱 对吧