** this life...**

if you ever ask me if i have anything that i can celebrate , actually there are tons of reason for me to be happy and content with...

if you ever ask me if i am happy, i can tell you that somehow sadness covered most of my happiness

many people started their life with a very "normal" format ; where there's boys and girls ; circle of life blah blah blah... instead of that format ; God decided to made a joke for me... if  God never made mistakes... i wonder what am i? a girl that traps in a male figure... fell in love with the guy that always live a normal life... I wanted the same as well, but instead im never here nor there... 

i miss that crazy night we had, dancing and hugging each other, i kissed his cheek, and of course nothing happen... i guess nothing ever will... that steamboat night that only 4 of us... my parents, him and myself... i truly appreciate that short but yet filled with warmth and basically gave me a bit of what ive been yearning for...

love that i cant get ... and yet i bump into it again and again

im on a very strict diet that made me always hungry and this gave me a bad emotional control... i get piss easily... i mean very easy... and yet i dont have a choice because ive signed up for this diet regime which cost me shit load of money and i cannot fail... that would totally defeat the purpose of my diet for this 2 months down the road... 

my body weight... sth i have constantly worry about... a war that never ends

ive seen so many unfairness at work... renown or not, this industry is a total disappointment... just full of shit... i can no longer withstand such nonsense... therefore i decided to move on... so i can be happy once again... 

this life just keeps getting weirder as you go... isnt it? sometimes you just dont know if this life is worth living for...