**wHat am I suppoSe to dO?**

**wHat am I suppoSe to dO?**

taking second chances~
supposingly is a good things but nightmare seems keep on hunting me~
unTiLl today~

i felt so unconfortable even my partner did nothing (perhaps)
but somehow my sense telling me that he might~even i have no proves
and logically i analyse the possibilty~
its quite impossible~and yet i still have suspitious that i can never remove~
had i lose myself~
or the scar in my heart remind me so badly my pain~
was...
i know its a past~somehow the past had hunt me down~
where im on the edge of the cliff~
and just a step away~
honestly i try and fought~but i cant~
i'm too weak to handle it~
i have lost my courage and faith to picking up a relationship~
but then i want to feel the love again~
and yet im selfish~
very selfish~perhaps naive i should say~
think and believe in fairy tales~
"happily ever after"
what a 3 simple beautiful words~
to cover zillion pains hidden behind~

i wasnt myslef this few day~
i realize the differences between now and before~
efficient to msg me seems dropping~sweet words dropping ~
maybe im sensitive and think this is symthom of things getting change
and then now im whinning my self up with pain and frustration~

i ask myslef how do i feel now?
1) very unfortable with my current relationship~

why? cause the feeling of safe seems to fall

2)confuse~
3)frustrating~
4)scared~

i dont know how i caught up with this~
or they just caught me?
listening my ayumi hamasaki "Walking Proud"
tears start falling down~

i realize how beautiful single can be~
i realize the lonely can be also beautiful if i jump out and see from the other side~
i understand why people rather get frustrrating with work then relationships~

im afraid sweet become bitter~
joy become sad~
hopeful become despair~
smiles and laughter become tears and frawn~

wonder how it end~
or how it goes~

Emo:"hold myself close~close to my soul and shadow~hidden away from hurting by someone, with my tears falling~"