~my Story~

this song was found in a friends blog of mine... so soothing but yet sorrow my birthday wishes still ain't coming true... what the heck... just do my stuff and strive for the best... nothing to be sad about... i realize i've been quite lazy recently, yea WHAT THE HECK... recently its all about work after work... i'm so tired with the repetitive routine that i need to follow... i complain alot~ stop whining~haha remind me of lady gaga and justin timberlake... at SNL show~where she dress up like a bottle of wine... *cling* if you wish to listen the above song i mention in a more relaxing way try to play this together... as well... rainy mood

was sick... am okay now... i can't believe that i push myself this far... even sick i'm still determine to go for training... i've lost my mind... even my mom start wondering if im still me...MYSELF... don't ask me...im still figuring where i stand now... even what my life wants now... somehow, i have no idea, nor anyway to explain it either... recently i wonder a lot about myself, how to explain, it's like part of me awaken for a reason, half awaken and half asleep...that's why until now i'm still uncertain so... it's closing in the idea of myself... what i wish to do now seems to get clear whenever i can settle down and focus... life need focus...and now i'm getting it... if you ask me what i plan to do now, all i can tell you is... "i no longer have any reason to cry for, but a reason to destroy myself and evolve..." haha~sounds big...to me it is... its 1am already better sleep before i get all sick again... suddenly i have this sentence...

looking at the time, just realize how long i have been stay awake facing the reality world of this instead of hiding in the dreamland...away from those nightmare and worries that bothers me drama 101...work at weekends suck to the max~ zillion times worst than having bad sex ... noisy environment and people like couple doing freaking fashion show outside your window like nobody business... today was a very productive day... met 2 customers and went for site visit at this newly receive dato customer from ampang... HIS HOUSE IS NICE!! TRUE IDEA OF MINIMALIST~but the furniture in his kitchen make me fainted a few times... cause when i open my eyes and faint again~regain conscious than i see again faint again... *drama* minimalist but his house have the undone dry kitchen in a shape of kampung house... have this partition with malay traditional carvings...and the picnic mat in tradition malay weaving...aka TIKAR? i guess~ so i'll be doing his dry kitchen and advice Kak Aina with the r...

what will you put yourself as other than yourself... we used to write essay saying that "jika saya sebuah kamus" Bahasa Malaysia's favorite topic... even today they are still playing the same old song (-.-)" cause my cousin asked for my help... tonight...i was thinking to ask her to write herself as a teddy bear...a very cute and fluffy one... fated to wait to be love, ending of a 50% happiness and a 50% of sadness... a gamble of life... just like what we are doing now... a life that filled with 50/50 always make us doubting if the next moves is right or wrong... next step would be fatal or not... unforeseen doubt to live in this world...make us hard to do everything correctly... even you have the best and good intention... but does it keep you back from doing what you are doing? honestly I do...im scared...very... what happen yesterday, was a nightmare to me... a nightmare that i cannot wake up and pretend that it never happen... i heard so many voices about him... ...

what a number... life feels like game that plays with so numbers... i have made the 23rd cuts in my life...which i don't know how long is it gonna be... but God exist...cause good things keep happening on me...since the day I am born... i have a good mother...no one in the world can ever replace her... i have good family...though there is one that's not that good~*shall not go there* i learned to be a good person...CAUSE of my family... nevertheless at this long path of mine... I'm not alone at all... cause i have you all here with me... my 23rd birthday celebrated at BULGOGI a KOREAN BBQ RESTAURANT...at KOTA DAMANSARA WHERE good food are served... this man that make this thing happen~he says its just a dinner~ to me...I'm a grateful person...whatever you do is everything to me... i wanna hold you so tight to tell you how grateful I am... this woman...she did things quietly behind...and i know always that she's the master mind of all the surprises~ this party is the...