**at the age of crossroad**

i've gone through this week with an edgy combination of different mode...

BORED TO DEATH AND HAPPENING TO DEATH

at office either i am bored to death or busy to death...

my personal life...after official break up...i seems to be more free...
but as i live for only one man...i somehow neglected the world, even myself...
when i say i cater myself...at times i think i really cater too much...
it is never wrong and i never regret with all the sacrifices i made for this relationship...
cause we never make any mistakes...the only mistakes is that we are not made for each other...
i'm not angry...no desire of vengeance because i'm the one that withdraw myself from this relationship...

just came back from clubbing...with jack and his husband...vincent pohpoh...and Gabriel...
realize that clubbing is like something i have not been to for years...
at that crossing point...
i realize i had disconnected myself to the other side of this world...
and today i went there...i'm phobic, afraid...intimidated with what i see and feel...

out of surprise i realize their are TONS of gay lurking around like no body business...
1st time i experience a club can be so congested until i can hardly breath!
had a great time with letting go some burden when i danced~

saw a lot "my cup of tea"...
but i'm not dare to make a move...other than sticking to my friend...
i thought i can fit in easily...but when you are at age like myself...im bounded too long...
it makes me like inexperience anymore...

(SINCE WHEN CLUBBING NEED TO TRAIN?)
-.-"

and i bump into someone...someone i look up to for quite sometimes...
but due to some unknown reason...he ignored me and i kinda ignored him...thus...
i guess we are just strangers at the crossroad...no eye contact...no nothing...

maybe as what ayu sang in this single of her "crossroad" saying：

What have I lost
As I grew old ?
What have I gain
As I'm growing old ?

no one can sure...but at this point i know~i have lost you~and you~

i always ask the god to be kind and allow my friend to stay beside me...no matter good or bad...
but i guess i'm too selfish to have such requirement...perhaps that's why slowly...
certain people is moving away...

but i wish that at the other side before i lost my eye on them...
i still can look at the back of yours slowly vanish before my eye...