**Colder it gets,

the more i think**

it's been sometimes~ im alone on my journey by myself...
am suppose to get used to it!
but the treasure box where i used to keep all my memories...
seems to unlock by itself and they were released into my brain...
they are all over me...im surrounded by them...and i was drown once again into the show...
i realize i still miss my 1st eX and i know that is stupid~
most idiot things i had ever done...
he is still the most beautiful memories i have ever had
...
im speechless that i thought i no longer miss him~
im was wrong...
i really do miss him...

haha~i went up to the heaven down to the earth...search for him...his profile...so i can know how is he now...
i found him...
he is now in a relationship^^ with a woman...haha
well~i did my job pretty good~
well is his decisions...im the light house well...once for him...haha
to seek his way back home...

i hold my tears so hard so no one will see it...

it's getting cold...even though the sun almost burn everything to ashes...
my heart was so cold...and i can no longer feel anything...as if im almost empty inside...
i fooled a few guys this week...but im not happy at all...
i even ask why am i doing this~
but then these people are those people that want to fxxk me so desperately sex maniac creep~

im so lost...my smile is no longer on my face...
i feel like im just pretending that im happy...
i absorb all my friends negative ion...untill i forgot about my limit...
i wasnt saying wah im so kind yada yada...
it's just when they are happy then im happy..
but this time...no matter how...i still feel so sad and sorrow in a way...i feel like want to be alone...
but then not too alone...
this is the 1st time i dont know what i want...

life is more then just love...and i agree...
im walking to my goals...but then...why am i breaking down at this very moment?
i really need to regroup myself...
dont want to get defeated...really...i just need somemore power to help me...

untill then...i guess i have to pick up myself...by my own...
it's so cold...my tears at least it keeps my cheek warm...